Both my grandmother and my grandfather have been suffering from dementia since I was around 8 years old. It came on much stronger for my grandmother then my grandpa very much affecting her short term memory. For my grandpa, it is much more subtle. Whether it is he forgets how to work things, or he forgets where he was going to go. By now they have both moved into a memory care facility and have people there full time to help them, but even then that can be a struggle. Last night my mother received a call saying that my grandma had not eaten food in 3 days. Since the building is trying to maintain social distance dinner is delivered to rooms and since my grandpa suffers from dementia as well he eats but forgets to remind her to do so.
All these things were very hard for me to understand and cope with and I did not react the way I should have. Instead of talking to them and trying to make them feel better, I ran away. When there was time to visit them I would choose not to go so that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable or sad. When they came to our house before the pandemic I would try not to talk to them outside of the casual greeting. But when my grandma couldn't remember me at all I realized I was taking the wrong approach. Family is the most important thing we have. Family is always there for us and always supports us. Instead of running away from my family, I should have been spending more time with them to create memories that at least I can remember. Thinking back on all the time I spent away from my grandparents made me realize how much I was missing out on. Just because they might not remember me in a few years doesn't mean that I won't always love them and appreciate how much they meant to me. So regardless of how your family will make you feel from time to time, make sure that you don't do what I did and make the most out of all the time you are given with them.
Having family members going through these tough medical issues is hard for young people in that family that do not really understand what is happening or how to react. Ever since I was born my uncle has had Parkinson's and Alzheimers. He has never known who I am. It was tough for my family to watch him slowly forget who were and who he was as well. He know lives with my aunt who hired a caretaker to help clean and dress him. I never understood as a child why he was like that, I was even scared of him. Now I try to help him as much as I can.
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather had dementia, so I understand the feeling of being a little uncomfortable or trying to avoid the whole situation. It's hard, but it's great that you came to the realization of how important and valuable time with them is. I hope you get to see them again shortly after all of this is over so you can continue making memories.
ReplyDeleteLuckily I have not had family experience dementia. Just thinking about losing your memories is one of the scariest things I can think of. This makes me realize how valuable the time spent with family can be.
ReplyDeletePeople truly don't understand the importance and beauty of having family until its too late. It is truly inspiring to see you open about this. It will be an uphill climb to eventually grow the strength to handle this situation, and you should not blame yourself for this. It is important to be strong for your family when they are not able to be strong for you anymore. Be strong Scott, you'll make it through this.
ReplyDeleteMy family also has a history of Alzheimers, including my grandmother and great grandmother. I worry every day about my dad, and of course myself and my brother. It's absolutely horrifying to think about. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this terrible thing, but I think the conclusion you have come to is a wise one.
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